If you take responsibility for what you eat, you'll have more success in attaining your health goals. Here's something I found that pokes fun at people who blame restaurants for their poor eating habits.
IMPORTANT LEGAL NOTICE
You are about to consume food substances in this restaurant that contain calories, fat, sugar, salt, carbohydrates, artificial flavors, preservatives, and other ingredients which may be, in some way, harmful to your health. Consuming inordinately large quantities of these food substances in this establishment or elsewhere or in combination thereof may make you fat. Consuming spectacularly excessive quantities may, in fact, make you clinically obese or, in plain English, so incredibly fat that short people huddle under your blubber for shade on hot days. Also, eating these food substances may contribute to diabetes, cancer, heart disease, blindness, deafness, numbness, and tingling in limbs. You may have allergic reactions to these food substances. You may choke on a sandwich [like Mama Cass]. In short, eating can kill you any number of ways. It is a dangerous and harmful thing to do. If you consume food substances in this establishment identified as "dessert," these warnings are treble true. Especially dangerous and potentially harmful are desserts identified on our menu as "Chocolate Death Cake" (hint, hint, hint) and "Banana Fudge Mountain." We make no representations whatsoever as to the nutritional value of the food substances we serve; to the contrary, it is our opinion that the food substances we serve have no redeeming nutritional value at all. Further, certain of the food substances we serve have ingredients and/or combinations of ingredients that may be or may in the future be judged to be addictive. The owners of, investors in, employees of, landlord of, and vendors to this establishment accept absolutely no responsibility or liability for whatever results you may experience as a result of eating here, including but not limited to, obesity and related adverse health conditions. If you have any concerns about these matters, please use your pudgy fingers to push the buttons on your cell phone and consult your physician and/or attorney before eating.
WAIVER OF LIABILITY
"I, ______________, hereby acknowledge that I have read the above Legal Notice carefully and understand it completely, and I certify that I am not an idiot. Further, I warrant that I will not, in any way, at any time, attempt to hold this establishment responsible or liable for any health or medical conditions I may have or develop in the future, including but not limited to obesity and related conditions. I also hereby prohibit any member of my family or any other individual, organization, or entity from attempting to hold this establishment responsible or liable as noted above on my behalf. I firmly and clearly state that I am fully and completely responsible for whatever I pick up and stick in my pie hole."
Signature: ______________________
Print Name: _____________________
Witness Signature: _________________
Witness Name: ____________________
Disclaimer: This document is provided for entertainment purposes only, is not intended as a substitute for actual legal advice, and should you need a legal document for this or any other purpose, the services of a competent legal professional should be sought. Its author and/or publisher accepts no responsibility or liability for your use or misuse of this document provided for entertainment purposes only.
From: www.dankennedy.com