I recently wrote an ad for a weight management product. It challenged me because I had no prior experience writing for this market. My client has, until now, written all his own sales copy. And because of his experience with the market, he's quite particular about the words and structure of his sales letters.
So here I am. I wrote what I thought was a fantastic letter. I was writing with his style. I was applying what I learned at the Persuasion in Print seminar down in Las Vegas. And I was using what John Carlton calls "power words."
And I came up with a "killer headline." Want to know what I wrote?
"New Weight Loss Breakthrough
Slaughters Unhealthy Cravings and
Forces You to Shed Weight Wickedly Fast"
I committed two big blunders here.
Do not use a word like "slaughters" when you're selling a food product. The image of blood mixed with food... not good.
Do not use "wickedly" in a market dominated by middle-aged women. They'll be confused by the slang use of this word. (It might be appropriate for young twenties men who are into skateboarding and snowboarding.)
Hopefully, my blunder is for your edification. If you ever write for the weight management or reducing market, keep these little lessons in mind so you don't embarrass yourself like I did.